The Value of Father’s

Today, as I sat in a café sipping a latte, I watched four young fathers wander past the front door. Each of them held a little colourful kinder bag in one hand and the tiny hand of a small child in the other as they made their way further down the path towards the swim centre. There was not a mother in sight.

I thought how beautiful this scene was and how delightful to witness the connection between father and child. Each of these children were skipping or hopping and every so often would look up at their male parent with laughter or additions to their chirpy stories.
Some of these young Dad’s would nod to another as they passed by, acknowledging the brotherhood of fathers.

I am old enough to remember a time when mothers’ worked the inside chores, staying home to do so while father’s worked away from home and took care of the outside chore’s. Many men of my father’s generation were uncomfortable with children and conversing with them. I remember well the adage of children meant to be seen but not heard.

Many years ago, in tribal situations in particular, men valued their families and cherished their role in teaching the skills of becoming fine people through hunting, survival skills and honour. Depending upon the era and the culture, many families shared the burdens of survival and family development. Somewhere along the line in western society, the evolution of dividing roles came to the fore separating children from fathers whom by necessity chased career success for survival and becoming disconnected from family. They were removed from the birth process and events thereafter, leaving them separate from their babies.

Over the years I have heard many, many women lament about their men folk not assisting within the home.
Ladies, you wanted your men folk to have active roles in rearing your children and assisting with running your homes. It is happening. I see much evidence of gentle fathers and supportive husbands taking the children for awhile or collecting the shopping with children in tow. Some of them may be single parents while others are taking their turns in the home. Either way, they are taking their roles seriously and with obvious enjoyment.

Let us celebrate our men, none of them perfect but most of them trying to be. Let us not judge them nor assume the man in the playground watching his own children are a threat to yours. We want to encourage our men to keep on the job not scare them off for fear of narrow minded judgement.
All people flourish with encouragement and this is what we as mothers can offer.

We can also teach our son’s to be “that man”. You know,.. that man who cherishes the daughter of another and loves her no matter what.

Children flourish with love, connection and guidance from both parents. My daughter will tell you that her best “dance mum” is her father. He is the one that put her hair in a bun and painted her eye makeup the best. He was the most patient on the taxi run and he was one that stopped at McDonalds for that extra drink. She adores him. He adores her. They both blossom with this knowledge.

We can remember  that it is not only the nurturing influence of Mum’s but often the strength and steadiness of such men that will guide their children through the difficult path of living.
We wanted sensitive, loving males in our husbands, partners, brothers, fathers, grandfathers and uncles. They are there, ready and eager. Let us all nourish these males and welcome them.

The Luckiest Mother

This Mother’s Day served as a reminder of so many positives that arrive from the Road of Loss. Not only did Kieran provide me with the many gifts of wisdom and Universal Connection following his young death but I was to find this is only half of the discovery. It is the gifts right under my nose that have made an incredible difference and guided me back into the land of survival.

The remaining children of a lost sibling are given a pretty raw deal. They suffer in quiet pain and bewilderment as they observe the fall out of parents unable to hold the family in a space of security and normality. They do not complain but instead go without needs met while waiting, waiting for what life might become.

By some quirk of fate, I am the only parent of two families of children still living. I am lucky enough to enjoy the love of another son and daughter of my body, and also a son and a daughter not of my body. Three nephews and a niece stay close to my heart. I love each of them.
All of them are instrumental in providing normality, laughter and courage. And protection!

My eldest two sons have always been my protectors. One would shop with me and ensure my chosen dress was not too short and the neckline not revealing while for the other, God help anyone who might venture a negative comment of his mother!!
They have been a self proclaimed posse of guard and guide!

Since son two, Kieran , has moved into Heaven, nothing has changed at all in that department!! Now I have one son on this side of life whom has been known to call me from work because he just knew I was unhappy right then, and the other son offering comfort and opportunity from Heaven!

I was not expecting that they both contacted me regularly from places far away. I discovered that they are both only a message away!!! One calls from Heaven and one calls from China where he now lives!
This amazing discovery brings great peace for me. Their sister offers cuddles and words of support wise beyond her years. A son and a daughter not of my body but of my heart offer love and call me Mum.

Kieran’s siblings and cousins, all of whom have known such bitter heartache and deep grief show me the way. We have many losses in our family and yet they walk their lives with determination, faith, courage and strength. They laugh and grow, build and learn. They shine a light for each other and for me.
I cannot help but feel so proud of them. They have all suffered and yet taken life on the chin.
If I have survived the loss of a child then it is because of these young people whom I am honoured to call my own. The gifts of my losses are the lives that travel with me. My Mother’s Day is full of the gifts of smiling faces.
I am the luckiest woman alive!