8 Steps to Calm Parenting

 

By Alexandra Browne-Hill

Never before has parenting and adulting been so complicated! Society continues to have expectations that twist into “should” or “must have”.  With the ever present competitiveness within our communities, it seems that parents are pressured to adhere to so many limiting rules and beliefs that create unnecessary stress.

Although hearing positive stories can be helpful, many opinions and experiences can make little allowance for differences of parenting methods which actually sit within a normal range of dissimilarity. By using our gut intuition we can more accurately decide what is useful for ourselves and our families rather than being told what to do.                                                                                                                                           

Instant gratification has also become a norm for many adults and children, and as a result our children developing expectations of how to survive life unrealistically.  They are in danger of arriving at adulthood underprepared for real life scenarios. We can help our children to prepare by adding to their innate wisdom with realistic discussion on a few basic guidelines:

1. Nobody has all the answers                                                                                 

We do not have the answers for everything. All of life’s stages are new experiences. Life is a time of discovery and adventure. We do not need to follow the herd or feel obligated to do the same as everyone else for fear of not being “normal”. Allow yourself to find out things without pressure.

2. Everybody is a student                                                        

Expecting perfection and knowing all the answers results in a feeling of inadequacy with increasingly reduced confidence by discovering appropriate preparation has not been achieved for life’s challenges. This is uncomfortable and avoidable. Wanting to be a student and discovering how learning occurs is key to everyone’s success. Accept that life is based on being a learner at all levels of living and enjoy the process. Appreciate our journey of learning with patience, enjoyment and reality.  There is no shame in saying “I don’t know but I would like to find out”.

3. Forget the trends

To be a young parent today with expectations of the flawless family, a settled child and a drone like perfection creates terrible pressure. Supplying expensive equipment from the best stores and following routines dictated by people who do not know your personal circumstances is exhausting!! We are not meant to be clones of one another. So why would we put upon ourselves and each other, the notion that we must measure up to a list of expectations from others at new mothers group, kinder, the school gate and beyond. Being without can also teach valuable lessons.

Every adult is unique and every child an individual. What works with one may not work with another. You have most of the answers intuitively. Even if given professional assistance, it is still good to note whether outcomes feels peaceful in your gut.

4. Children love to learn

Our children live in a world where problem solving and intuitive smarts are a pre-requisite for overcoming life challenge. Having goals and aims are paramount to good health but so is developing problem solving skills, intuitive self-care  and understanding that it takes time to learn. We can assist our children to become aware, confident and independent without losing the joy of childhood. Encourage the notion that it is okay not to know things!!  Show them that we as adults do not have all the answers and it is fun to find out answers together. This will create a thinking child and a smart adult

5. Judgement is out. Discernment is in.

Judgement is comparison and feels negative and painful. Discernment is sensing that something else is better suited to the individual.  Get to know the real child and their personality. Our children are unique, beautiful, and perfect as they are. We are aiming to assist them to be the loveliest version of themselves whatever that looks like.  Children benefit from knowing how to accept their own differences and individual make up, and those of others. Each day is a learning curve and gentle suggestion is appropriate in moments of mistakes.

6. Adults can love learning.

Life is based on being a learner at all levels of living. Enjoy the process and begin your journey of learning with patience, enjoyment and reality. Without rush, judgement and expectations, we can remove the stress and pressure from ourselves and our kids.

7. Being Too literal  

 Although having a broad guide for gauging how your child is faring in development such as first steps or exam results is useful, it is not productive when taken too literally. What if we were instead to guide by example how to use manners, respect for self and others and demonstrate problem solving, thereby allowing our children to be students of life and navigate their own way through with healthy boundaries of encouragement?

8. Find the family joys.   

Share the skills of love, respect, sharing, caring, loyalty, honesty and trying to the best of their   ability as a basic focus. Allow children to become their unique selves simply by being intuitive and creative. Having quiet, loving family times and restful moments removes the incessant striving for more and more. These basics don’t require funds, stress or pressure but rather they develop with together time and connection. Things do not have to be complex.  Life is not perfect, tidy and neatly packaged into a list of accomplishments that our children must produce. Be realistic. Be a bit messy. Simplify with back to basics and leave competition out. A new born baby feels loved by the kisses on the cheek not the expensive pusher he is pushed around in. The teenager feels valued by being listened to not by expectations of greatness.

Giving ourselves permission to be a student at all stages of life enables us to be able to learn with accepting ears rather than try to prove that we know something. Learning is a wondrous thing and enables confidence to ask questions and explore.                                                                                                                                                                                    

This makes life exciting and enjoyable. By feeling free not knowing things, we will in fact solidify our problem solving skills and create ability to survive all manner of things.

Alexandra Browne-Hill has been a nurse and midwife for nearly 40 years with additional qualifications in holistic counselling and natural healing therapies. With regular travel internationally, Alex has developed programs based on healthy connections to our body, mind and soul to develop our own wisdom. Using shamanic and indigenous wisdom in a western way combined with years of experience in the medical world, Alex can support you with your life concerns.  Consultations, mentoring, seminars, workshops and international retreats available.

To contact Alex :

E: alexandra.browne.hill@gmail.com                                                                                                 M:0409009924                                                                                                                                           http://www.alexandrabrownehill.com

Finding Purpose in Every Experience

Finding Purpose in Every Experience

By Alexandra Browne-Hill

I love being in my 50’s. Contemplating my life experiences, I clearly see the crossroads, the challenges and opportunities for growth that landed in my path. I like myself more these days with the passing of time and gaining of wisdom. I own my joys with uncomplicated freedom because they stand out from the crowd of normal life complexity. It has been quite a ride! For as long as I can remember, I have wondered about The Meaning of Life! There are times when I see myself as a nutty Brian in a life of misadventure while trying to figure out why we all do what we do. There is an oddness in happily accepting all other oddness. Yet it feels right and loving. I had struggled with the concepts of fitting neatly into society’s boxes.

Later in life, I would be grateful for growing up in a military family of constant change along with guidance from my gentle mother, a teacher, bringing out the best of me in both survival and compassion. As it turned out, I would need both. A decision to become a nurse made at 7 years with a deep knowing, heralded my healer’s career with volunteering in hospitals at 14. This led to old school Nurse training providing me with my own Dragon-Matron and a rock solid sense of duty. Additionally, life traumas surrounded me on every level every day. What a grand platform for learning about life.  My career warmed me and besieged me all at once.

For me there is a reason for everything and study suggests we plan our own life journey with inbuilt crossroads. Those very moments in my Blueprint arrived with a load of loss and trauma for me to taste test. With the deaths of several close family members at once, my scramble began. My moment of greatest adversity arrived with the sudden and additional death of my teenage son. I was catapulted into choosing the way that I was to deal with this trauma.

Amazingly, my son Kieran had informed us at 6 years old that he would not see his adult years. HE KNEW! He asked me specifically not to cry for him when he left. How did he know that? I started my study right there outside of society’s boxes. I began a path of investigating spirituality.

When I struggle to bring things together in my head, I choose to go back to basics. I seek Native American Indian ways because of its simplicity but any indigenous culture will share the basics. Thank Mother Earth for provision and Father Sky for connection. Respect all life forms and seek gratitude. I take each life problem and fit it into this basic form to make my decisions. Sitting within this space opened untapped intuitive skills. I studied hard and learnt to improve my compassion along with my intuitive understanding. I committed to learning about a loving Universe and its secrets, uncovering a peacefulness in myself.

As my connection to a Supportive Universe increased, Kieran guided me. I began to see purpose in every experience. Travelling, studying the cosmos with indigenous cultures and learning shamanism helped me create a healing business.  I facilitate, write and share what Spirit tell me. I am grateful for my life events which directed my lessons. I no longer have expectations of the world.   We are in the process of Cosmic Evolution because we long for compassion. Therefore the Universe will provide it.  Love is the precursor for all healing and gratitude creates humility. This is where magic happens. Happy Valentine’s to you.

 

http://www.alexandrabrownehill.com.au
E: alexandra.browne.hill@gmail.com                                                                                                Victoria, AUSTRALIA